What Does It Mean To Be Strong?

"Most modern cultures, including our own, have fallen victim to the prevailing attitude that strength means endurance; that it is somehow heroic to endure the symptoms we feel, regardless of their intensity. Relying on the strength of the neocortex—that is, our capacity for rationalization—it is possible to create the impression that a person has survived an extremely dangerous event, even a war, 'almost without a scratch,' and that is precisely what many of us do. We carry on, 'gritting our teeth,' mostly enjoying the great admiration of the people around us—becoming heroes who act as if nothing happened."

— "Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma" by Peter Levine

— You feel sad, you want to cry, you have no strength...

Keep it to yourself, nobody needs you like that, don't burden people.

— You are lonely, you don't feel comfortable when you're alone, you feel the need for company to ease your anxiety...

There must be something really wrong with you, you need to fix that, you can't go through life like that.

— You are angry—at injustice, at life, angry at yourself for being angry so often...

What are you angry for now, that's just how life is, hold your tongue, don't swear, behave yourself, nobody likes aggressive people.

— You are tired of the daily grind, of responsibilities, everything hurts, and yet you are young...

What are you tired of? What will happen when you grow old if you're already tired now? Resting is a privilege of the rich. Pay no attention to your back, neck, or head aching—it came on its own, it will go away on its own.

Where does strength truly lie, what does it mean to be strong?

Is it enduring while standing tall without making a sound—because if you let it out, it might spin out of control and go down a path that is no longer under your radar?

Or is it facing and accepting your own "weakness"—that is, your vulnerability? Honoring that protective part of yourself that was once there to save you.

That protective part, which used to guard and save us from trouble, has become outdated over time, remaining trapped in the past. Every time a situation similar to the one from the past occurs, or is connected to it in some way, it activates out of a desire to protect us and preserve our self-image. This behavior is absurd and does not help us set things right, but it once held meaning for us and helped us reduce stress, discomfort, and fear...

That is why it is vital to hear that part of ourselves—the part we call "vulnerable." To thank it for being there to protect us, to understand its logic and the emotions stemming from that logic. Yes, I understand why you feel this way, I see how difficult it is for you to feel any other way, I do not judge you.

We can practice new behaviors and ways of thinking, but our emotional reaction, recorded in the body, will take precedence and catapult us back into the past.

Only when we have touched, embraced, and accepted that gentle and vulnerable being, without judgment or criticism, can we work on change and on learning new behaviors, reactions, and choices.

That is why it is crucial to have understanding for our own vulnerabilities, to be gentle and patient—so that even those distrustful, painful, and dusty parts of us have the time to settle in comfortably and update themselves in accordance with reality.